Pre-Independence night

Reading Time: 1

XYZ Insitute, 14 August 2009.

Welcome to our daily show “Raat ki baat”. Let us have a look at the news today.

* A guy goes down with flu and fears that it might be Swine flu which has been causing hysteria all over the nation. He goes to the hospital and finds others like him waiting in the queue at the hospital. So, far all the suspected cases have been negative.

* In another bike accident in the campus, two guys escape with minor injuries and minor damage to the precious stuff they were carrying. The incident occurred at the junction near the main gate of the institute. The driver sustained a minor wound in his elbow while his friend suffered injuries to his knee and hand. The injured are now recovering slowly.

* There were several complaint cases of indecent behavior registered at the institutes’s website by the people who were playing Counter-Strike against the people who were shouting “We want our Saturdays back ! No-more assignments ! No-more Mandi rules. Strike! Hunger-Strike”.

* An event on the humorous side. A guy reveals his true-side after a few rounds of the magical soup. He strips down and dances around a poll revealing his skeltonesque body to those present in the room. Reportedly, he went to give lap dances to everyone else present in the room. Looks as if section 377 has encouraged the people to express their sexuality.

* In another magical-soup related event, another guy licks the chocolate off another guy’s finger. It is unclear if this act was done in a state of unconsciousness or consciousness.

That’s all we had today in store for you at “Raat ki baat”.

It’s your host and dost Weirdo signing off.
Good night!

A gathering of Techies

Reading Time: 3 minutes

DISCLAIMER:Any resemblance to person dead or alive is purely coincidental.The narrator is currently serving his term in prison for making racist comments.A piece from his diary.

I hurried across downstairs to the common TV room to get a glimpse of Michael Jackson swinging his willow against the mighty Africans.But i was surprised to see a flock of people moving towards my destination.As a result,there was need of congestion control at the doorway.I assigned myself a higher priority and rushed into the room before those Techies could.I switched on the TV but unfortunately the Tata Sky prepaid connection was not recharged,so i couldn’t watch MJ in action.By that time,the Techies had taken hold of the room.I decided to represent my friendly neighbour Techie in that meeting.Little did i know,that this was going to be more exciting than watching MJ swinging.

After a while,i was able to make out the purpose of their gathering.They had gathered to decide who is going to be their placement secy.I was finding it really difficult to suppress my grin on the thought why do these people are caring about selecting a placement secy.It is immaterial as their fate was destined.There were a few people puffing out smoke and talking about gymkhana elections.It was hard to guess that they too were here for the purpose of selecting their placement secy.There was a lot of talk going on there about various issues such as cricket,elections,movies etc.I was wondering if i should leave now.I was getting bored.

As i was about to get up from my seat,a short,dark man assumed the center-stage and finally started the meeting.His name was some JKL.He said “My dear friends,we have gathered here to decide who is going to be our placement secy.It is not just another post,it’s a post which can decide the path of our destiny.The person in this post assumes the burden of carrying forward the hopes of the entire batch.He has to take the responsibility of ensuring that all his batchmates have secured a good job.The person must have a sense of responsibility towards others.But that is not just enough,he must have lot of contacts too.So,does anyone here thinks he has got great contacts”.I was impressed by this JKL’s speech.He seemed to have the ingredients of becoming a future politician of our country.Suddenly,the environment became serious as each one of them were pondering about contacts.

It was pretty strange for me.For as i knew them,seriousness was second nature to them.I was expecting VG to be the first one to speak up and he didn’t let me down.VG said pointing to his eyes “I have got great contacts”.JKL gets a bit annoyed and shouts at him “Damn it,VG!we are not talking about your contact lens”.VG realized his mistake and sat down.He got back to playing mobile games using his great contacts.A shrill feminine voice says “I have a far-away relative who can provide great contacts”.By that time,my friendly neighbor SS has also arrived at the meeting.A guy disagreeing on the point that far-away relations are worth any good,defends his stance by using the Six Degrees of Separation theory.According to this famous theory,we are just six persons away from connecting to another person in this world.This theory does provides some food for thought in the leisure time.
Getting back to the scene,JKL made the mistake of asking SS whether he had any contacts.SS picks up his mobile phone and says “I have got around 400 contacts in my mobile phone,but i wonder if they are of any worth.”

JKL knew that there is no one serious about this post except for him.So,he puts forward his name for the post of the placement secy.He asks if there are any other interested candidates.There were none.And he is selected as the placement secy unanimously.He was looking for the person who suggested to hold a meeting for this purpose.Unsurprisingly,he was not there.The meeting was over.

I was a bit disappointed and felt that the show wasn’t amusing as I expected.I crawled back to my room and refreshed to find that Africans have won against Australians.