Six Stages of Separation

Reading Time: 2 minutes

It has been quite a while now(about six months) since I had written down something other than code or emails. I have lost count of number of times I wished to write down something but I couldn’t because I had an obsession to write the perfect opening sentence and I wasn’t able to nail it down. The further I stayed away from writing, the more elusive that perfect opening sentence became. Today, I may not have the perfect opening sentence again but I have this itch, the itch to write something else.

Since this separation gap from writing is the predominant thought on my mind today, I would like to share my thoughts on different stages of separation one may experience depending on the length of separation.

1. Realization: It may take a few days or sometimes few months to realize that you are missing something. You are not sure what it is but you could sense that something is amiss.

2. Investigation: Once you realized that something is wrong, you try to diagnose the symptoms and look for the possible causes. Sometimes, you wouldn’t be able to nail down your investigation to one thing. When that happens, you are likely to just continue on with your life. However, if you are able to find the cause, you proceed to next stage.

3.  Circumspection: At this stage, you know what you are missing but you still doubt your process of investigation or even deny it. You ignore the results of this preliminary investigation and continue on with your life.

4. Acceptance: Sometimes, you do accept the cause as reasonable. When, you accept it, you do a post-analysis about its importance in your life. You ask yourself if you should do something to get it back or whether you should let it drift further apart. Depending on the choice you make, you reach either Resignation stage or Redemption stage.

5a. Resignation: Although, giving up is considered as a characteristic of pessimistic person, sometimes it is the wiser choice to make than reach a stage of obsession to get that thing back in your life. Sometimes, the decision to let it drift apart is not in your hands and come to terms with it. In the cases where this decision lies in your hands, you reevaluate if you have changed so much by this time that that thing holds much lesser importance now. If so, you decide to let it drift apart and come to peace with the fact that it occupies only historical significance in your life events.

5b. Redemption: In this stage, you make plans on how to get it back in your life. You reiterate it’s importance in your life and convince yourself to make determined and wholehearted efforts to get it back. It may take some time to get it back but if you are determined enough, you will definitely get it back!

6. Obsession: It is rarely reached when you make efforts to get that something back in a case where you have drifted too far. When you have drifted too far from that thing, efforts to get it back is very likely to make the things that are important in your life meander away.  This is a dangerous stage to reach as the impact of pursuing it on your life would either be devastating or spectacular.

If only ……

Reading Time: 1 minutes

if only she had felt my love
i would not have been alone
if only she had turned back
i would not have been alone.

if only she had not met me
i would not have felt love
if only she were not my friend
i would not have felt despair.

if only i had not gone away
she would have reached me
if only i was not shy
she would have felt my love.

if only i had not the fear of losing
she would have loved me
if only i could write history again
we would have not separated.